Why
by XYNAATHEDARKPRINCESS
Summary: Goku is sinking into a deep depression and it seems no one can help him, what does Goku go through that no one can help? Why is he this sad?
1. The Start Of Something Sad

**Hey guys Xynaa here well again I've started another story I am so sorry please don't kill me. Well when I was writing this I was listening to this :**

** I wanna run 'n' escape from your prison  
But when I leave I feel something is missing  
I'm not afraid that's easy to tell  
This can't be heaven it feels like I'm in hell  
You're like a drug that I can't stop taking  
I want more and I can't stop craving  
I still want you it's easy to see  
But guess what honey you're not that good for me-Bitter Sweet Memories-Bullet For My Valentine**

**Anyway hope you enjoy. **

Rain pelted down on the son household, it wasn't even winter yet but the rain poured as if that was it's only duty. A grieving man sat inside, he sat on a wooden chair in the kitchen. The lights weren't on, it was dark, perhaps maybe late at night. You wouldn't be able to tell with the weather. All was quiet except the sound of rain hitting of the roof and the thunder in the distance. A flash of light lit the kitchen as everything beamed with colour then it when black again. Lightning struck the small forest in which this man lived.

He stared down at a small object in his hands, one would think it was a medallion at first look but it wasn't. It was a large locket given to him by the one he loved, on the top in ruby's was the pattern of the royal crest, oh gods he was aching just looking at it. His Prince, Vegeta. He was gone, he had died in a battle trying to save him. Oh gods, it was all his fault. He had brought this all on himself, how could he be so stupid? Prince Vegeta was right, he was useless, he was a wreck, he was nothing. He missed the insults the other threw at him, but that was mainly because he knew he didn't mean them. They were now made all too real as he noticed his mistakes.

The Prince never showed his emotions much but that's what the man known as Son Goku loved about him. He was spontaneous and he loved the other deeply. It was good while it lasted, sitting here now he knew if he hadn't fell in love with him it would have hurt less. He put up with the pain because of the memories though. The memory of when they went to the beach and the prince had put ice cream on Goku's nose and licked it off ran through his head. He was left blushing intensely but he had to admit it was cute, he missed times like that. Times where they would laugh and just forget about the world for a bit. It made him happy, he only wished it had lasted longer. Now it was over he didn't know what to do with him self, he couldn't wish him back, he had already been wished back once which meant he was dead, forever. It only made this ordeal more real.

Son Goku finally let out a heart wrenching sob of despair and he lay his head on the table. He clutched the locket tight as his body wracked with the loud sobs. His sons were in their own homes, Gohan and Videl had pan now. Goten -who Goku had thought would never move out- had started a family of his own with a shy girl called Valese. He couldn't even see ChiChi, he was too scared after what he had done to her. He remembered when he had left her, he had made it seem like it was all her fault. He had no one to turn to, he had no one to laugh with. He was left alone to wither in self loathing, the poor man, he wished someone would find him soon. The man slowly began to drift of to sleep, he couldn't fight it for long and he lay his head resting against his arms as he drifted away. He tried to fight it but knew it was useless, after all he had lost this fight before.

He would wake up sore in the morning but he didn't care, it had been like this since Vegeta had died. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to wake up in the morning. When he did he would have to start planning his lovers funeral, that was something he wasn't looking forward to. He had put it off too long though and he had to start immediately. The rain calmed down as the man slept and so did the thunder and lightning. Everything was quiet again, apart from one single sound. The sound of gold hitting tiles and the soft clanking as it steadied.

...

He wasn't sure what to do as he awoke in the morning, he was out of ideas and he felt as if a part of his soul was missing, along with his heart. It was too much, too much pain all at once. Son Goku stood up lazily and stretched letting his bones pop into place and his muscles retract back into place. He looked over at the phone and sighed, he would have to call Bulma. His long time friend didn't know about the prince being dead and he didn't want to have to break it to her. It would hurt her as it did him, maybe even more. Bulma had raised two kids with him after all. He picked up the phone and waited as rang ... once ... twice ... three times ... No answer.

The message came up and he closed his eyes, he slammed the phone back onto its stand and felt his stomach growl. He didn't need food, this was more important. He'd go and see Bulma himself, he walked through the kitchen and heard a clink. Goku looked down and frowned picking up the locket, he hadn't meant to drop it. He opened the locket and looked at the pictures and his breathing hitched. The first one was of him and Vegeta in matching t-shirts. They said saiyan prince on them and were black with orange and blue writing. Goku was smiling whereas Vegeta was glaring down at his shirt in distaste, Goku had picked out the shirts and Vegeta had been determined not to put it on. The battle was lost as Son Goku forced the shirt on the smaller saiyan.

In the second the prince was genuinely smiling, it was during the Christmas holidays and Goku was wearing reindeer antlers with an orange turtleneck his locket was draped around his neck. Vegeta smiled at the camera wearing a red turtleneck, he had a locket similar to Goku's on and this too had the royal crest imprinted on it. The only difference was that the Princes was older. Goku closed the locket and gulped wrapping it around his neck and proceeding to Bulma's, she would know what to do, or at least he hoped she did.

...

On a small planet a blue alien-otherwise known as a kai- stood his back turned looking at his house.  
"Goku must be sobbing his heart out." The kai stated as he felt a familiar Ki behind him.  
"If he is that is not my problem, I did what I had to. It was the idiots fault for getting in my way." an arrogant voice snorted.  
"Vegeta, he is vulnerable. He loves you, how can you not be fazed? You should have waited and not killed yourself along with that beast of a man!" The kai shouted turning around, the Prince merely rolled his eyes and looked away.

"I got rid of him didn't I?" The prince smirked cockily and the kai sighed.  
"Yes but at too big a cost, Goku is out there sobbing his poor heart out. I've seen him he looks like a zombie running on nothing but the sheer force to live, even that is depleting." The kai told the prince with a frown on his face, he looked sad almost as if it were him who was in love with the third class warrior.

"Kakarott is strong, he will survive." Vegeta growled and it shocked the small blue man. King Kai was not one for arguing but if the Prince was going to be this stubborn then he would make an exception.  
"He is in denial, he thinks your death is his fault, he can't live with that on his conscious." King kai snarled, Vegeta froze and looked at the ground.  
"Is he really that bad?" The prince asked in almost a whisper.

The kai nodded and frowned.  
"Take a look." He muttered motioning for Vegeta to put a hand on his back, the prince reluctantly agreed and the smaller of the men closed his eyes showing Vegeta the horror of last night. He remembered Goku, looking at the locket but at the same time not really seeing it, one could only imagine what was going on in his head.  
Son Goku gave an ear-splitting cry of pain and placed his head in his hands.

"You see Vegeta, he is barely holding up, did you see that unemotional stare he had? That is what he has become of him, I have been watching him for days and he barely activates. He tends to just do thinks manually and then stare at that locket for hours on end until he breaks." The kai told Vegeta sadly.  
"He's been like this since I died?" The Prince asked and king kai nodded.

"Yes, he's been like that the whole two weeks, he doesn't know what it's like not to have someone in his life. He's never had to thanks to the dragon balls, he was used to just wishing people back. I guess he's been so lucky never having to face the grip of death, he doesn't even seem to know what it is. He merely sees death as an obstacle he knows he can over come. But after you being brought back by the dragon balls once before, it's hard for him to think you can escape the clutches of death again." The small blue Kai finished his speech and Vegeta nodded in understanding.

"Will I be able to, cheat death again I mean. Will I?" the prince asked hoping the answer wasn't negative.  
"Only time will tell." The kai frowned and looked down at snake way where Goku had met him the first time, it seemed like eons ago.

**Well that's the end of the first chapter please review I love all of my readers. Xynaa**


	2. Telling Bulma

**OK so the song lyrics I post will hopefully make sense when you read the chapter, I'm trying to match songs to the things that the characters are feeling. Please review. **

**I wish you never told me**  
**I wish I never knew**  
**I wake up screaming**  
**It's all because of you**

**So real these voices in my head**  
**When it comes back you won't be**  
**Scared and lonely**  
**You won't be scared, you won't be**  
**You won't be scared and lonely**  
**You won't be scared you won't be lonely - Scared Three Days Grace.**

A blue haired goddess cleaned the kitchen happily singing a tune to herself and a slightly smaller woman helped her black braids longer than her waist and tickling her as she moved. The blue haired woman smiled and flipped her hair out of her face, it was becoming too long and she wished it would stay short, if only. She didn't want to waste the dragon balls on a stupid wish like that though, or well at least she thought it was stupid.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door and she came out of her trance and frowned, now who could that be? She wondered and walked to the door, Pan ran through the house and Gohan chased her. The blue haired woman, otherwise known as Bulma Breifs, smiled and giggled as she opened the door. She blinked when she saw Goku and Gohan stopped and smiled straightening his glasses.

"Bulma?" He asked in a soft voice, Bulma could hardly hear it herself.  
"Goku, sweetie, what is it?" She asked and tilted her head looking at him confused.  
"Can ... can I come in?" the man asked unsure and Bulma nodded and moved out the way as the bulky man made his way through the door.  
"Goku, what is it honey?" The black haired woman-son Goku's ex-wife ChiChi- asked in a caring voice.

"Where's Vegeta?" Bulma asked confused, why hadn't the prince accompanied her old friend to capsule corps? Usually he loved showing of his 'prize' or so he often called Goku. Bulma thought it was ridiculous.  
"Dad is something wrong?" Gohan asked, he had been given the day of and had decided not to bother his father and to come here with his mother instead.  
"It's ..." He trailed of again his voice sounding broken, sad almost.

But what could have someone as loving as Son Goku this sad, It wasn't about the prince. Or so Bulma Briefs thought.  
"You can tell us sweetie, we're here for you." She encouraged and smiled as Goku managed on of the smallest smiles she had ever seen.  
"It's Vegeta ... he's ... he's dead." the warrior said and he broke his tears coming to and he sobbed, nothing had ever made Goku this sad before.

There was a dead silence around the room and everyone just stared at the young warrior unsure of what to do, he was usually so strong. But they couldn't believe their ears, Vegeta, the Prince of all saiyans was dead. Nonsense, it couldn't be true. Or so that's what everyone thought. Bulma was the first to crack and she rushed to the saiyans side as she comforted him, the next was ChiChi who was infuriated that Vegeta had that much effect on Goku and she also rushed to his side to continue to coo to him.

Gohan was last, he had often thought of Vegeta as a father in law and he loved him like he loved his own dad, he was gone. Just dissapeared, part of him wanted to know how Vegeta had died, the other part already knew, he had died in battle protecting Son Goku. Or as Vegeta referred to him Kakarott. Gohan came closer to his father and hugged him from behind.  
"He died protecting you didn't he?" Gohan asked and Goku nodded.

"Yeah, I love him so much and know he's gone." the saiyan wailed and Bulma frowned and felt her heart ache a little, she had loved Vegeta and missed him. She probably didn't love him as much as Goku but she loved him, they had a child together. Trunks was now all grown up and she missed not seeing him.  
"Goku dear, I'm so sorry for your loss." Bulma whispered and he calmed down. He hadn't had a good night sleep in ages.

Every night he dreamt of Vegeta, he saw him disappear in the same way. It hurt all the same, he wished he could get rid of it but he knew he couldn't it would take a miracle.  
"Goku, you looked shattered, why don't you sleep?" ChiChi offered and Goku's eyes widened and he shook his head.  
"I can't, I'll see it again. I don't want to see it again." He muttered and she frowned.

"Aww Goku, you'll have to try and sleep, you look exhausted." She told him and he frowned and rubbed his arm, poor man he was so weak right now.  
"Just try and sleep dad, we're always here." Gohan told him smiling and Goku smiled and hugged him, he missed Gohan. He missed his wise words and his wise suggestions. Heck he just missed his son.  
"I'll try." the saiyan whispered and pulled back and looked around awkwardly.

"Go and sleep in one of the guest rooms, we're right here." Bulma smiled and went back to cleaning the kitchen. ChiChi smiled and helped also. The saiyan frowned and walked upstairs slowly and unenthusiastic about going to sleep, he knew what his dreams held and it hurt, it hurt seeing it all over again. He frowned and picked the closest room as he settled down and got into bed, he was tired but nothing would stop those dreams.

...

"Kakarott, Move out the way!" Vegeta yelled as he punched a giant bug like man onto the floor, Goku stared at him confused and he frowned.  
"But Vegeta, I-" He stopped mid sentence as Vegeta powered up and his eyes widened. No he wasn't going to ... he was.  
"VEGETA, NO!" Goku screamed as Vegeta grabbed the alien from behind and screamed, no no no this wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening, Vegeta couldn't ...

Goku gasped as Vegeta screamed and a blinding light consumed his form. The alien looked around scared and Goku couldn't look away, he couldn't even move. Vegeta exploded along with the bug like man and Goku sat there unmoving, unemotional, unsure. He was looking around hoping Vegeta would come out ad tease him about being scared and confused, but he never did. Instead there was dead silence.

All that could be heard was the panting of Goku as he started to hyperventilate. Vegeta couldn't be dead, Vegeta couldn't be, he sobbed and sat there waiting, waiting for his prince.

...

Goku woke up and screamed sobbing as he remembered that day, as if he could forget it. He sobbed and let his tears soak the bed-sheets until he finally once again cried himself to sleep.

...

On a small planet just off of snake way.

Vegeta gazed down having just watched Goku cry himself to sleep, he felt sad, he hadn't meant to cause this much pain but the other saiyan seemed so fragile, he could barely survive without his other half. It hurt him, Vegeta could do well without the other saiyan but he would still miss him, it seemed Goku's feeling went even deeper than love. He ached when he knew the other wasn't there. It only made th prince feel even worse.

"Kakarott, stay strong ... for me." Vegeta whispered to the clouds hoping they'd find their way to the younger saiyan, he hoped they would. If not for his sake then for Goku's. The man let himself hope for a little longer and then turned away in order to train.

The blue kai frowned andlooked out at the stars, he knew Vegeta wasn't as fragile as Goku and he hoped that the youngest of the two saiyans could hold out long enough to meet Vegeta, Well whenever he got there. He was hoping it was soon because he knew the young saiyan could only take so much.


End file.
